Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Randomize
