I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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