I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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