im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
And the cops told us we were all naked.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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