I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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