My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Randomize
