You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
