Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
