the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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