WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
