this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
