Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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