Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
