I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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