Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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