I just pynch a tree in the face
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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