That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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