i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
