OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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