Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
