Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
