well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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