those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
