We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
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