sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
