Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
