I look better un-naked...
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
