Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
