I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
We got so high we made milksteak
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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