Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
