last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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