Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
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