That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
