How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
