Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
