I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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