I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
