Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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