Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
