Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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