Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
