You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
