your thong is hanging out like whoa
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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