doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
