I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
