Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Randomize
