fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
