Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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