Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
