I think i peed on brittanys purse
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
