I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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