i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
