i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
