I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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