I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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