went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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