yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
