I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
