kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
