wakey wakey hands off snakey
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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