I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
