it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
