We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
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