How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good