only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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