It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
