Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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