Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
