I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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