We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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