its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
