Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
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