So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
